mail me

PRE-CREDITS/HOOK

The family have been out to an ice show (maybe "He-Man On Ice", maybe "Bridge Over The River Kwai On Ice"), and are returning home in the Stevens-mobile. It's summer vacation, but still a school-night for Brian. They decide to stop for ice-creams at a convenience store. Brian and Zak go inside. Over his magazine Zak sees an attractive Mediterranean woman loading up on bulk pet food. He engages her in conversation as Brian buys the ice cream.

Purchases are made and the young woman leaves. (Zak shoplifts a magazine; this was totally missed by Brian). She passes the car that still contains Meryll, Candy and Cynth. One of the shopping bags tears, scattering its contents. In frustration, the woman kicks a bag of dog biscuits, which splits. The girls go to help as Meryll hovers anxiously. The boys return with the ice cream. Suddenly, the woman is grabbed from the bushes to her left and dragged away. Candy gets off her mark, Cynth follows, Zak tosses up whether to follow or consume ice cream. Brian leaves the ice cream on the car bonnet, give Meryll a quick "Back soon", and jogs after the pursuing Slayers.

Candy has the abducter in sight: it's the "speaking" vampire from the cinema (from II:4 "The Folding Crown"). She corners him, and there is a tense standoff as the vampire (fully vamped out) uses the petfood woman as a human shield. The vampire advises Candy that she might as well just let him go. "You better watch yourself, Slayer, you have enough people with a mad-on for you." ("Stridex" subtitles: 'mad-on' [regional dialect] personal vendetta). Cynth turns up. The vampire is less than impressed. "What are you, the Slayerette?" With things as a two-on-one, the vampire throws the pet-food woman at Candy (she dodges) and bolts. She pursues. Cynth tends to the shaken woman.

Candy catches up to the vampire. They fight, and she is almost grabbed from behind by another assailant, whom she quickly dusts. Meanwhile, Brian has caught up to Cynth and the woman. He tends to her and tells Cynth to go ahead and help Candy. Back at the ranch, Candy manages to pin the original vampire to a wall and they fight over the stake. The vampire makes the mistake of calling her stupid. "I'm not stupid!" Candy cries, tearing the stake from the vampire's grip... along with his hand. She dusts him. Cynth runs up. "Did you get him?" "Yes," Candy answers, holding up the stake with the vampire's disembodied hand, which turns to dust. Brian talks with the woman, who introduces herself as Sophie. She asks the name of the "hardcore" first girl; Brian changes the subject, trying to find out more about her. Sophie gives nothing away, appearing just annoyed by the whole proceedings. She refuses all offers of help and goes back to the convenience store parking lot. Brian et al help her repack the store bags. Sophie returns the magazine that Zak lifted (that Brian missed -- what a detective!) Refusing the offer of a ride or taxi, Sophie disappears into the night Over her shoulder she calls, "Say thanks to that Slayer girl for me." This throws Brian a bit.

OPENING CREDITS

And we're pre-recorded at the Ridgeway Estate, in the middle of a training sequence. Hube is morking the kickpads with Zak, Candy is smarting at being called stupid, Cynth is sitting outside, Brian is standing to one side. (Meryll is offscreen making milkshakes -- that was a great hit from Hermann's Hermits, "Meryll's Making Milkshakes"). Hube suggests that Candy and Cynth run the track, which they reluctantly do. Hube is taking some good hits, so Brian takes over. Hube seems a little put out, as if Brian is undermining him. Brian smiles.

"It's OK, Hube, I'm just going to be a punching bag." Zak seems a little perturbed at this prospect. "What, Zak, you don't want to hit your old man?"

Hubert preaches taking care -- things may not be as they seem, as they were not when Mister Pipe was first seen under the Langborn Estate and it turned out he was just as intent on destroying vampires. Candy brought up that Madsen's people had killed Gom, who was a nice demon. Hubert pointed out that they didn't know for sure how nice Gom was. "He didn't hurt anyone," Cynth protests. "Anyone that _you_ know about," Hube cautions. Certainly, Gom was a demon, and thus Mr Pipe's motives in killing him were understandable. Candy remained unconvinced. Candy was grumpy and reluctant to get involved. This had once been her place, but now her whole family was there. Hubert convinces her and Cynth to go on a workout run, aided by Meryll coming downstairs with milkshakes; she tends to Hube's bruises.

Zak picks up on the theme of the St Aaron's Wort, saying everything leads back to the mysterious Mister Pipe. Hube suggests that they speak to Mr Pipe. When Cynth and Candy return, it's decided to indeed go see Mr Pipe. The girls disappear upstairs. It occurs to Brian to ask the ask the girls if anyone mentioned to Sophie that Candy is the Slayer; he follows them upstairs. Zak talks to Meryll about how parental involvement is distracting for the Slayers. She tries to reason with him that they really care about what happens to their children; he blows her off. "You can help us more by not getting in the way," Zak says. "Anything that involves our children has to involve us," Meryll tries to reason, but Zak coldly pushes her away (emotionally). Upstairs, Brian follows the sounds of giggling to the girls; he askes them if they introduced themselves to Sophie -- how did she know Candy was the Slayer? Cynth reports that Sophie merely overheard the vampire and Candy bantering; a minor thing, but it puts Brian's troubled mind at rest. They all agree to visit Mr Pipe to ask about St Aaron's Wort.

COMMERCIAL BREAK.

The Stevens-mobile pulls up to the Langborn Estate, former haunt of the White Lady and her cult. The interdimensional barriers are weak here; this is where R'Thilliach is strongest. It's being rebuilt. Construction machines and works swarm over the place. The group approach the foreman, (Foreman: "Do you have an appointment?" Brian: "Of course we do!" Foreman: "Okay, stay here. And don't go wandering, this site is dangerous. A kid fell through one of these holes and killed himself not too long ago."). He fetches Mister Pipe resplendant in suit, tie, transparent overshirt and yellow hardhat. "You're not the Hatamishi Delegation!".

They meet in the back of the limo (again). Mr Pipe offers no immediate information on the herb, batphoning Mr Madsen to see if he knows anything. Pipe pushes the employment/college fees offer -- it's been doubled. He's very eager to get an answer. Candy speaks to Madsen about the herb. Madsen suggests that all instances are documented and turned over to Pipe for further research. He pushes the employment offer even harder, "we're very eager to have you aboard. We can share resources. It must be very exciting being there in Exeter, with you the only Slayer in the world," and so on. Candy is non-committal.

Pipe shows the group a surveillance video from a few mornings ago. It shows a nondescript bus with blackened windows at the Estate's gate. A ridge-headed demon appears and looks around, before moving out of shot. Pipe shows another tape. Same bus, same location, this time with a young woman smoking nonchalantly -- Sophie. Pipe invites the group to investigate this incident; "Clearly this concerns us. Will you help?" Candy says they'll look into it. Mr Pipe smoothly produces another copy of the contract, half a tree of legalese. "Well, if that's the case, why not sign your name here and be paid for the trouble? You're already doing the work!" and then pushes half a tree's worth of legal documents in her face, fair demanding a signature. "It isn't about money," Candy replies.

"Of course not! But Mr Madsen is very wealthy, and very generous with that wealth. Why not accept his generosity and agree to a partnership? Perhaps you, Zak?" "I'll have to check with my lawyer, Mr Pipe," Zak says smartly. The group palm him off with a "let's do lunch, we may even eat," type of answer and leave.

None of them trust Pipe or Madsen. Zak points out that Madsen seems to be intent on wiping out the supernatural regardless of whether it is benign or malignant (recalling Gom). Candy worries aloud that if her abilities are supernatural in origin, might she herself eventually end up on Madsen's "hit list"?

COMMERCIAL BREAK.

Candy and a bruised Hube discuss the offer. Candy doesn't like it at all. Hube askes her to think of what Alison would do. "Shall we call her?" Candy asks. Hubert shook his head. "I think she wouldn't trust it," Candy believes. "Then don't sign," Hubert advises. "And that is the best advice you're going to get."

That evening, Brian and Meryll discuss the offer. Brian is worried that this might financially validate the Slayers' slaying, that they could "turn professional" and do this for a career. Pipe and Madsen make him nervous, but their resources are considerable -- if they could get closer to him, they could keep an eye on him, and Brian could use their resources to further his research (though he doesn't say so). To change the subject, Brian asks about how Zak and she (Meryll) were getting on. "How are you and my son getting on?" "Your son, he's very much your son," Meryll replies ruefully. Brian is saddened at his son's recalcitrance. "He shouldn't be listening to that 'Eminem' chap, it can't be be doing him good," Brian theorises, but quickly admionishes himself with, "it's too easy to blame the music."

Meantime, Cynth has gone for a walk, and Zak has climbed on his bike and gone investigating. Zak cruises the pet stores, looking for information on a young Mediterranean woman buying lots of pet food. Amongst the terrapins in a pet store in suburbia, he gets a lead which leads him further out towards Ridgeway. He finds an unpaved lane, Millar's Lane. Following that into the woods for quite some way, he finds the bus parked there, near Old Johnny's Cave. He also sees Sophie, sitting on a log, smoking away, looking bored. Out from the bus climbs a tall, thin swarthy man with a clipped moustache and ponytail, jerkin and whatnot. He appears to be a long-limbed, leather-clad, silver-tongued, Errol Flynn as post-grunge Robin Hood type of guy.

He approaches Sophie on the log and asks her what she's doing. "I'm on a break," she states. "What? You don't get breaks!" he replies. The man -- identified as Louis -- tells her that the bus needs cleaning again, as there's been another accident at the back. Sophie looks less than thrilled. "Where's Laysier?" he asks. She waves her hand dismissively. "Oh, you know, off chasing pigeons." Louis heads back to the bus. Sophie asks him where they're headed tonight. Louis grins ferally. "Tonight? Tonight, for Louis Monigan's World Famous Dark Magick Places Bus Tour, we're visiting the haunted St. Columbus Theatre and the mystical Irie Totems!" She shakes her head in disgust. "They're gonna kill you." Louis remains confident -- "No way! This tour is entirely the real thing!" -- and re-enters the bus. Zak slips away and reports back to the others. The course of action is clear; they decide to "stake"-out the "haunted" Theatre.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

NEXT: "Genuine Slayer stake!"

Back to episode description