mail me

In the precredits sequence, the Stevens-Knight family (with friend Cynth) are returning from an evening at an Ice Show. They stop at a service station for ice cream and Zak and Brian go in. There, Zak stops to talk to an attractive dark-haired girl who is buying up large on various types of pet food and other unusual items. She shrugs him off and leaves. Candy and Cynth are watching from the car as she walks away down the street and one of her bags splits. She kicks a bag of dog biscuits in frustration, which splits, scattering biscuits everywhere. Then something leans out of the bushes to her left, grabs her and drags her in. Just that fast.

Candy and Cynth run to help. The lead vamp from the movie theatre is trying to drag the girl into the shadows. He stops, stares as Candy approaches. "Slayer!"

"You better watch yourself, Slayer, you have enough people with a mad-on for you…"

"A what?"

Cynth caught up. The vampire regarded her balefully. "And what are you - the slayerette?"

"Where's your friend?" Cynth shot back. Candy went for him, sidestepping as he threw the girl at her and chasing him around the house. Candy followed, right into the clutches of the second vampire from the movie theatre. She ducked under his guard and dusted him, just as the other vampire lunged at her from behind.

Zak and Brian arrived to help the girl. Cynth took off after Candy, and Brian and Zak tried to help her. She refused all offers of assistance, but asked several questions about Candy and Cynth (not learning anything useful). She did admit that her name was Sophie.

Candy threw the vampire against the wall, and lunged at it. It grabbed the stake and held her clear, snarling. "You stupid slayer!"

"Don't call me stupid!" Candy yelled, wrenching the stake free and driving it into the vamp's heart. Cynth appeared, asking if everything was okay. "Yeah," Candy said. "It said I was stupid."

Back around the front, Sophie grabbed up what parts of her shopping remained and sauntered off. "Hey, thanks. And say thanks to that Slayer girl, too!"

Opening credits.

The next morning at Alison's place, Zak is working out, punching a padded Hube enthusiastically. Zak says that is all seems to come back to Mr Pipe and that they should pay him a visit. Hubert preaches taking care - things may not be as they seem, as they were not when Mr Pipe was first seen under the Langborn Estate and it turned out he was just as intent on destroying vampires. Candy brought up that Madsen's people had killed Gom, who was a nice demon. Hubert pointed out that they didn't know for sure how nice Gom was. Certainly, Gom was a demon, and thus Mr Pipe's motives in killing him were understandable. Candy remained unconvinced. No-one, it seems, trusts Madsen and Pipe in the least.

Candy was grumpy and reluctant to get involved. This had once been her place, but now her whole family was there. Hubert convinced her and Cynth to go on a workout run, aided by Meryll coming downstairs with milkshakes. The group decide to visit Mr Pipe and ask about St Aaron's Wort, and try and determine if Pipe and Madsen were involved.

The Langborn Estate was a hive of activity. Bulldozers and earthmovers were hard at work redeveloping the site. Zak, Cynth, Candy and Brian entered, and a foreman asked Brian if they were okay. Brian said they were there to speak to Mr Pipe. "Is he expecting you?" Yes, he is, Brian said. "Okay, stay here. And don't go wandering, this site is dangerous. A kid fell through one of these holes and killed himself not too long ago."

Mr Pipe emerged in suit and tie and transparent overshirt and yellow hardhat. "You're not the Hatamishi Delegation!" He ushered them into a nearby limo to talk. Candy, struggling to keep a straight face at how Mr Pipe was holding his pen, asked immediately about St Aaron's Wort. Niles quickly evaluated the situation and placed a call to Mr Madsen himself. While waiting for the call to go through, he brought up the subject of the contracts. Madsen had decided to double the initial offer. When Candy spoke to Madsen, it was clear he thought the Slayer was a valuable resource worth securing, as he pushed the contract with an enthusiasm bordering on overbearing. He promised to look into St Aaron's Wort, and asked that Candy give him a final decision on his offer when he got back in touch about it.

Mr Pipe then said it was fortuitous that the group had chosen to visit today because he had been planning on contacting them. He showed them a security video from 2am that morning. It showed a bus parked just outside the walls. A figure could be seen looking through the fence before moving out of shot. The figure had a ridged head and was clearly a demon. Then another figure came into view, sparking up a cigarette and looking around - the girl, Sophie, from the previous night. Sophie smoked until she reacted as if called, then left the shot (presumably to board the bus). The vehicle rumbled away. "Clearly this concerns us," Mr Pipe said. "Will you help?"

Candy said they'd look into it. Mr Pipe smoothly produced another copy of the contract. "Well, if that's the case, why not sign your name here and be paid for the trouble? You're already doing the work!"

"It isn't about money," Candy replied.

"Of course not! But Mr Madsen is very wealthy, and very generous with that wealth. Why not accept his generosity and agree to a partnership? Perhaps you, Zak?"

"I'll have to check with my lawyer, Mr Pipe," Zak said smartly, and the group took their leave.

Zak set to work straight away, hopping on his bike and cycling around the other pet stores and places where pet food was sold. Cynth went for a walk. Candy went to see Hubert, and told him about the deal. "What do you think?" she asked him.

"I don't know," he replied. "What do you think Alison would say?"

"Shall we call her?" Candy asked. Hubert shook his head. "I think she wouldn't trust it."

"Then don't sign," Hubert said. "And that is the best advice you're going to get."

Meanwhile, Brian and Meryll were also discussing the deal. "It is an awful lot of money."

"But I just don't trust the man," Brian insisted.

"Then we don't sign. I trust your judgement. You've been closer to this madness than any of us."

Zak found a food shop where Sophie had that morning bought some dog biscuits - in the same neighbourhood as the service station where they'd first seen the girl. He snooped around, finding an old trail "Miller's Lane" into the woods. It led to "Old Johnny's Cave," and parked alongside it was the bus. Sophie was sitting on a log nearby having a smoke. As Zak watched a slick gent with a pencil moustache hopped out of the bus and told Sophie to clean things up. "I'm on a break," she said.

"You don't get a break!"

"I've giving myself one. Hey, Louis, what's on the agenda tonight?"

"Tonight? Tonight, for Louis Monigan's World Famous Dark Magick Places Bus Tour, we're visiting the haunted St Columbus Theatre and the mystical Irie Totems!"

"You are so dead."

"No way! This tour is entirely the real thing!"

Zak slipped away.

NEXT: "I give killers a hobby!"

Back to episode description